Ungar Died (a short play for lovers of film)

o   What?

·         Ungar died. Ungar………….Felix.

o   Tony Randall?

·         Jack Lemon.

o   Oh.

·         The only man in the world with clenched hair.

o   Put coasters under the coasters, checked for spiders’ muddy footprints on the bathroom floor………..

·         Yeah.

o   You’re like Ungar yourself, you know.

·         What?

o   Neurotic. Only person I’ve ever met who avoids sleeping  on his side so one kidney wouldn’t be over-worked.

·         That only happened once.

o   And you wash money.

·         Yeah, well a recent study concluded that there are 138 harmful bacteria on an average two cent coin.

o   Like I said.

·         By an odd coincidence, you’re not too far from Osca r either ………….. not exactly mouldy, but fermenting. That pair of trousers you took off last Friday is still standing outside your bedroom door; Cecily ran screaming out of the house when she came upon it yesterday. It took half an hour to settle her.

o   Cecily’s scared of her shadow.

·         Well they left together yesterday.